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Pioneer Perspectives: A few thoughts about entering my mom era

Digging into a few of the important character-building lessons this season has been teaching me.

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My husband, Nathan, and I are anxiously awaiting the arrival of our baby girl later this month.
Annalise Braught / Bemidji Pioneer

When I first realized that my turn in the rotation of these monthly Pioneer Perspectives columns would be in June, I told myself it would work perfectly because it would be right before starting maternity leave.

Yep, that’s right, the editor is having a baby. But not to fear, the newspaper will go on splendidly because I work with the best team in the biz and have no doubt they will get along just fine while I’m off snuggling my little newborn.

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As I conceptualized what to write about as I pondered this coincidence of timing, I had a difficult time sorting out exactly what it is I want to share about this whole crazy whirlwind of balancing a busy life and demanding job while entering my mom era.

What I settled on was digging into a few of the important character-building lessons this season has been teaching me. Maybe a few of our readers can relate to them too, or at least be mildly entertained by my struggles and eye-opening experiences.

Lesson No. 1: Doing the work even when you definitely do not feel like it.

My first trimester was nothing short of rough. I was nauseous pretty much every moment of every day with little relief, and had all the typical symptoms of low energy and struggling to feel motivated to accomplish basic tasks.

The hard part of this was that I didn’t have the luxury of slowing down in any capacity. I was in the thick of a very busy season at the Pioneer with several big projects underway and a wild election, in the midst of some tough staff turnover in the newsroom. I was also adjunct teaching at Bemidji State and wrapping up things with the Bagley Area Farmers Market season (which I am also the manager of).

There were so many days I just wanted to stay home and lie on the couch, take a nap and be pampered. But, alas, that wasn’t the life I had chosen, and doing that wouldn’t have been fair to all the people who rely on me daily. So, no matter what I felt like, I pushed on and just took it a day at a time.

This season tested my resolve like no other and really showed me how tough I can be when it comes down to it. It also made me realize that sometimes it’s good to feel a little crappy and be put to the test just to see what you’re really made of when push comes to shove.

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This leads me to Lesson No. 2: Not being afraid to ask for help.

As proud as I was of myself for surviving all those icky weeks, it also made me feel so isolated by not really sharing how I was feeling with those around me and just trying to be tough and power through.

And apparently the universe thought that was a lesson I needed driven home, because just as I was about to enter my second trimester, I got the chance to test my new resolve in a big way.

A few days before Christmas, I ended up having to undergo emergency abdominal surgery and spend several days in the hospital, followed by weeks of recovery.

I’ll spare you the nitty gritty details, but long story short, it was the most painful and the most humbling thing I’ve endured to date.

I can’t say I’ve ever had a real emergency situation like that before, where all of a sudden I was just out of commission with no warning — and it was a big wake-up call. While my team at work rallied to help those couple of days I was in the hospital and filled in as I needed it in the days that followed, I was all too aware of how much was on my plate and overwhelmed by my inability to accomplish what I wanted to.

It was weeks before I could do much on my own and asking for help doesn't come naturally to me at all. So this was a trial for me, to say the least. Little things like asking for help to move around or having someone bring me a drink or snack made me feel like the most needy person alive. And even though I wouldn’t wish what I went through on anyone, I’m so grateful for the character-building experience it was.

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As my recovery led into the middle of my pregnancy, it helped me know my limits, slow down and let the people in my life come alongside me to meet my needs rather than trying to maintain control and do it all on my own.

Which leads me to Lesson No. 3: Letting go and trusting in the unknown.

I’ve said many times during my pregnancy that it feels like the biggest test of faith of all time, because there is so very little you can control.

So, you wake up every day just trusting that things will work out how they are supposed to. You control what is in your power to control and let go of the rest. Easier said than done, though, right?

While letting go of my hardcore independence and leaning into trust have been ongoing challenges for me, the thing that has kept me going is celebrating the amazing feat of my body growing an entire human.

In the midst of all the fears and intrusive thoughts one can conjure up, my husband and I have experienced the most inexplicable joy and wonder as we enter each new phase of the parenthood process.

There is nothing in the world that compares to seeing our little baby on an ultrasound screen or feeling her move in my belly. The bond I already share with this little world-class wiggler, as I like to call her, is unlike anything I could have ever imagined.

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So, even though this journey has tested me on many levels, I’m so grateful for the trials and know they are only preparing me for things to come.

Annalise is the editor and a photographer at the Bemidji Pioneer. She is a Mass Communication graduate from Bemidji State University and has a Supervisory Management degree from Northwest Technical College. Her favorite pastime is exploring the great outdoors and capturing its natural beauty on camera. Contact Annalise at (218) 333-9796 or abraught@bemidjipioneer.com.
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