Sometime after Valentine鈥檚 Day, I think to myself (I try thinking to other people but get migraines) that it鈥檚 time to compose my literary endeavor to inform the huddled masses yearning to be free of the Legend of St. Urho.
By now, I would hope that most people have at least a sliver of knowledge about the patron saint of Finland, but I might be mistaken. I previously thought that the show Alaska Daily with Hillary Swank was a shoo-in to be renewed. I was also convinced that 2024 was the Minnesota Twins' return to the World Series.
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So, perhaps not everyone is familiar yet with the savior of the Finnish vineyard workers. Then, it鈥檚 up to me to enlighten the ignorant and share sacred knowledge with the uninformed. Why me? I could haughtily say, Why not? But in fact, there are a multitude of reasons.
First, I鈥檓 retired and have a little time on my hands, and I鈥檓 not coordinated enough for pickleball. Secondly, I think I write real goodly. Thirdly or nextly, according to DNA testing, I鈥檓 100% Finnish, and it鈥檚 a nationalist thing. Finally, my father, the late Dr. Sulo Havumaki, rediscovered the legend in 1956 or so and began sharing the good news with all.
I was also discovered in 1956, as were the Hovercraft and the Lint Roller. So I will proselytize (that鈥檚 not a crime鈥t means an attempt to change someone鈥檚 belief) about St. Urho.
Here is the legend as my father told others. It is historically on a plaque below the Statue of St. Urho in Menagha, Minnesota.
One of the lesser known, but extraordinary legends of ages past is the legend of St. Urho 鈥� Patron Saint of the Finnish vineyard workers.
Before the last glacial period, wild grapes grew with abundance in the area now known as Finland. Archeologists have uncovered evidence of this scratched on the thigh bones of the giant bears that once roamed Northern Europe. The wild grapes were threatened by a plague of grasshoppers until St. Urho banished the lot of them with a few selected Finnish words.
In memory of this impressive demonstration of the Finnish language, Finnish people celebrate on March 16, the day before St. Patrick鈥檚 Day. It tends to serve as a reminder that St. Pat鈥檚 Day is just around the corner and is thus celebrated by squares at sunrise on March 16.
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Finnish women and children dressed in royal purple and Nile green gather around the shores of the many lakes in Finland and chant what St. Urho chanted many years ago. 鈥淗einasirkka, heinasirkka, menetaalta hiiteen.鈥� (Translated: 鈥淕rasshopper, grasshopper, go away!鈥�)
Adult male (people, not grasshoppers) dressed in green costumes gather on the hills overlooking the lakes, listen to the chant and then kicking out like grasshoppers, they slowly disappear to change costumes from green to purple. The celebration ends with singing and dancing polkas and schottisches and drinking grape juice, though these activities may occur in varying sequences. Colors for the day are royal purple and Nile green, according to Sulo Havumaki.
Me again, once more, I need to inform the residents of Faribault that this year鈥檚 parade is canceled. The route from Christ Lutheran Church, down the viaduct, up to the library, right turn onto Central Avenue, past Paradise Center for the Arts, and winding up at Central Park was approved. The bands were in place, the Kalamojakka (Fish Stew) was prepared, the kanteles were tuned, but all for naught.
Elon Musk and his DOGE group fired the government officials who were needed to sign our permit. We may have to wait a while, perhaps next year.
The Trust Project
