歪歪漫画

It鈥檚 difficult for children to be raised in today鈥檚 world. Being a parent is even more difficult 鈥� arguably the toughest job we have as adults. What can we do to make it easier?

It鈥檚 much easier for two parents to raise children than for one parent. Many kids struggle in school and often in life because their parents have intentionally or unintentionally given up on trying to make their relationship work.

This isn鈥檛 true in all cases, but the truth is that kids are much more likely to do better in school if their parents stay together and commit to their families.

The two parents may be of the same sex, legally married or not legally married, and may be white, brown, blue or gold.

Here鈥檚 the key. When two people decide to form a partnership and have children, they must commit to making the relationship work. This means that they stay together through thick and thin, hard times and bad times, for better or worse.

True, there are circumstances where two people try to make a relationship work and the best solution may be a separation. Unfortunately, the people who suffer the most are the children. It鈥檚 sad, but that鈥檚 the truth.

What鈥檚 needed? Commitment to the family.

How does this relate to education? If you want to fix schools to be more successful and have more kids graduate, parents must show greater commitment to their partnership.

This sounds harsh and I don鈥檛 mean to show disrespect to parents. I am saying that for kids of parents who work on their relationship and stay together, kids do better in school (I admit that schools also need fixing, but I鈥檒l save that story for another time).

What about if the family experiences poverty, unemployment, homelessness, drugs, alcohol, violence and all kinds of hardships? How can families stick together and raise children in a 鈥渉appy鈥� home?

I don鈥檛 have a good answer for this. I don鈥檛 think anyone does. Life isn鈥檛 fair. Many families have worked hard to remove themselves from that environment and succeeded. That, too, takes commitment.

I think of all of the refugees around the world who have lost everything and have no place to go 鈥� no roof, no food, nothing. We see them standing, holding one child in one arm and grabbing onto another with the other arm. Frankly, I don鈥檛 know how they do it. What sustains them? Much of it has to do with faith in the Creator, prayers from around the world and humanitarian aid.

Why is it so important for mom and dad to make a relationship work? Well, kids are kids. They are immature and they are highly vulnerable. They are like our two golden retrievers. They need someone around and never want us to leave their side. You can see it in their eyes, saying 鈥淧lease don鈥檛 leave us again.鈥�

Kids of all ages need a warm, secure and safe environment. They don鈥檛 like change especially when it involves the family. When the people they love the most (their parents) are in conflict, this rubs off on them and they take these emotions to school.

I guess you could call this stress. When we, as adults, can鈥檛 operate well under stress, we can鈥檛 expect kids to do the same. It鈥檚 hard to teach children whose brains have shut down.

What does it mean to have commitment?

When the temperature dipped to 19 degrees and Lake Julia looked like something out of a sci-fi movie with steam coming off the lake under gray clouds, I observed two fishermen in the middle of the lake.

I first said to myself, 鈥淣ow that鈥檚 commitment.鈥� I hope they caught some fish.

Then, on the way to church with below-freezing temperatures, I observed a car parked along the road adjacent to Little Turtle Lake. I am sure the guy was duck hunting. Now, there鈥檚 commitment. That person likes to hunt ducks and no freezing temperature would stop him.

Winston Churchill faced fierce opposition when he disapproved of negotiating with Hitler for a 鈥減eaceful鈥� solution. Churchill didn鈥檛 cave into the opposition, meaning England would have had to surrender.

His words that England would never give up and surrender echoed throughout the British Empire, 鈥淣ever, never!鈥�

To the fishermen, the hunter and Churchill, commitment first means never giving up. That same commitment is needed to raise a family.

Second, you have to have some principles. You have to stand for something. This is what we mean when we love our children unconditionally. When we decide to have children, all of a sudden, our priorities in life are aligned differently. Our children come first.

Third, to have commitment in a relationship means respecting each other. There are times for compromise and there are times for capitulation. But because you love and appreciate each other, you do what you must do.

When Kathy and I moved to Bemidji in 1986 after doing much traveling from one country to another country and from one state to another state, Kathy said this would be our last big move.

We had two young children and realized it would be best for them to experience a stable home life. I would have enjoyed seeking other adventures, but I agreed with Kathy that it was time to settle down and I knew she was right.

Fourth, commitment means to be present and realize what is happening around you. People who show commitment listen to others. Sometimes, it鈥檚 not easy to listen to the truth.

Sometimes, it鈥檚 necessary to change the way one thinks. We always ask ourselves, 鈥淚s it good for the kids?鈥�

Legendary football coach Vince Lombardi said, 鈥淚ndividual commitment to a group effort 鈥� that鈥檚 what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.鈥�

I would add that鈥檚 what makes a family work.

Riddle: Almost everyone needs it, asks for it, and gives it, but almost nobody takes it. What is it? (Answer: Advice). All parents need advice at one time or another. Listening to it helps.

I'd like to thank 89 Bar and Grill for putting up 100% posters.

John R. Eggers of Bemidji is a former university professor and area principal. He also is a writer and public speaker.