歪歪漫画

Dear Carol: My dad suffered a massive stroke that has damaged his ability to find words and name everyday objects. His doctor calls this aphasia. For example, Dad will ask me to get him an object, but he then uses a completely unrelated word to name it. He becomes increasingly frustrated when I don鈥檛 understand him. I know he鈥檚 mad at himself, not me, but I鈥檇 rather have him mad at me. How do I help him? 鈥� AL.

Dear AL: My uncle developed aphasia after a string of strokes, so I understand how this breaks your heart. You want your dad to know it鈥檚 all right that he鈥檚 having trouble. You want to help. Mostly, you want him to stop blaming himself.

These words from my book illustrate a conversation with my uncle during one of my daily visits:

鈥淔ix my magazines!鈥� he shouted. I dutifully straightened the already neat pile of magazines on his table.

鈥淣o! My MAGAZINES!鈥� He hollered, plum with frustration. I realized that he couldn鈥檛 find the proper word, so I started touching objects.

鈥淒o you need new pens?鈥� I asked. 鈥淣o!鈥� 鈥淚s your walker OK?鈥� 鈥淣o! Yes!鈥�

I opened the drawer. 鈥淵our razor? Is your razor broken?鈥� I asked. He looked at me like I was incredibly stupid. "Yes. My magazines!鈥�

I got his razor fixed.

Even though I know more about diseases and caregiving today, I鈥檓 aware of how much my heart would struggle if once again, someone I loved went through that.

However, I know I鈥檇 rally, and I鈥檇 respond very much as I did with my uncle except for one thing. I鈥檇 intentionally say, 鈥淚 know that you know. It鈥檚 all right. We鈥檒l figure it out.鈥� I give myself some grace in that I implied understanding with my patience, but I don鈥檛 recall saying those words. Today I would.

According to the National Institute of Health, 鈥淎phasia is a disorder that results from damage to portions of the brain that are responsible for language鈥� Aphasia usually occurs suddenly, often following a stroke or head injury, but it may also develop slowly, as the result of a brain tumor or a progressive neurological disease.鈥�

Here are some tips that may help:

• First, assure your dad that you know that he knows.
• Keep your language simple, expressing one thought at a time.
• Eliminate background noise when possible.
• Don鈥檛 talk down to him (I know you won鈥檛, but some people patronize without realizing it).
• Use yes and no questions.
• Point, draw and use hand gestures.
• Assemble pictures of food, drinks and some of his possessions. Then, he can point to an image.
• Encourage your dad to accept speech therapy if that鈥檚 an option.
• Exercise patience and empathy (put yourself in his place).
• Play music. Read to him. Play a game. Most of all, let him know that you still enjoy his company.

AL, even though you can鈥檛 cure your dad鈥檚 aphasia, you can still do your best to help him cope. Love is like that.